A pregnant woman has taken to Reddit to ask for some much-needed advice after her husband went behind her back and told his mother that she could be in the delivery room. Giving birth is an incredible experience, but it's also painful, vulnerable and something many people don't want their nearest and dearest to witness. One mum-to-be is currently expecting her first child with her husband and is feeling pretty nervous about going into labour. This was made all the worse for her recently, as she claims her partner went behind her back and told his mother she could be there in the delivery room. The mother-in-law apparently wants to be there to witness her grandchild's "first breath" but the wife isn't comfortable with this idea at all.
My MIL has mentioned multiple times that she wants to be in the delivery room when I give birth. Unfortunately my husband assumed I'd be okay with it and told her she could be there. I've talked to him since then and told him that I'm not sure if i'm comfortable with it, but now I don't know how to tell her. She expects to be able to watch and will be angry if she's told no. Especially since i'm choosing my sister to be there during the birth. She might throw a fit and ask why my sister is allowed to be in the room but not her. I'm just not comfortable with her seeing my private parts.
Do you think i'm being unreasonable? How should I explain this without her getting angry? I have this problem with my MIL due in 4 weeks and despite being told 5 months ago that we're having a private birth, she still won't accept that she can't be in the room. It's simple. You're the patient. You decide who is in your room during labour, delivery and postpartum. No one else can give permission so all you need to do when you register at hospital is inform the staff of that and put it in writing. We also aren't telling anyone when I g o into labour.
Having unwanted spectators in the room affects your body's ability to produce oxytocin.
If that happens labour can stall and you and baby can both end up in danger. Your DH needs to read the articles I've included below to understand how much of a problem he's causing for you and your baby. Your DH needs to go back to his mother and explain that he had no right to invite her into your medical procedure. Then he can explain that you have already chosen the people you need in the room to support you to ensure the baby comes out safely. She can meet the baby when you are ready for visitors and not a moment before. If DH or MIL thinks you're being unreasonable, feel free to tell them that a lot of moms me included have no visitors at hospital and no visitors at home for a few weeks.
You have every right to say no visitors at all if she can't back off, because you also need that oxytocin to establish your breastfeeding so pushy stressful people are the last thing you need in your hospital room.
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Your husband was clearly not using his brain when he told her it was ok, so he should be the one that gets to break the news to her. Your hospital room, your choice.
My MIL was in the room for my labor not delivery and that was bad enough. She looked at me whenever I had a contraction for the whole time. I finally said everyone out when the pain started getting bad. Next baby she will not be called until the child is out of me!! Due to other issues too not just staring at me.
She's not your mom. You aren't her daughter. It's your comfort. That's greatly affects your birth also so foot down say sorry but I want my sister. I chose my husband only for the birth. And my sister was at home waiting for when we came home. And I couldn't be happier that I made my choice and stuck with it.
We go and visit the in laws soon, they're pissed but for me emotiouand mentally it has been amazing. No no no. Plus, chances are everything goes smoothly, but I ended up in distress and needed an emergency c section and am SO glad I made the decision no one at the hospital ever.
Who cares if she gets upset.
A delivery room stand-off
Your husband is an idiot. Get him naked, tell him to bend over and then ask your parents to come watch for 3 hours. Make sure your parents get all up in there with great angles of his wiener and nutsack. What is it with men forgetting what childbirth involves and that it is YOU giving birth and laying there all exposed?! For people who want someone else there for support sister, mother, etc. I like the rule, anyone who hasn't seen me naked before labor doesn't get to see me naked during labor.
Follow your baby's amazing development
It is another way of pointing our why the mom and sisters of the birthing woman may be acceptable while in-laws even if they are female are not. My sister wanted to be there for support but I didn't have anyone in mind to be there but my husband. My husband had mentioned that he's sure his mother would love to be there, but she'd never ask because she assumed it's not something I'd be comfortable with.
And the whole support thing, like yeah fair enough but too much means they get in the way of the partner having that responsibility. I love her but she's very bossy and in charge, and I know she would have totally taken over and my poor husband wouldn't know what to say or do. I'm so glad it was just him responsible for supporting me in that personal time.
Try having your husband talk to her. If he wont tell her you are sorry he spoke without talking to you. You arent comfortable with anyone being in the room besides your husband and sister.
In-laws and delivery rooms can be a touchy subject
If she is upset because your sister gets to be there let her know that you are close with her and dont have a problem with her being there to help you through the pain but it would be uncomfortable for you to have anyone else there while you were in pain. I always wonder if these women had their MILs in the room when they had their kids?
For me it was just me and my husband and that was perfect. Let's call a spade a spade - she hopes she will get to hold the baby before you do.
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SJ, Hahahaha yes! Even he will be staying near my head and avoiding the most intrusive angles.
My husband got kicked out of delivery room - after he let my mil sneak in
I asked if he wanted to catch the baby or anything, I won't keep him from that if he wants it, but he currently agrees that some things are best left unseen. SamMom, good answer. FTM here. My mil keeps hinting at wanting to be in the room during delivery and it just makes me uncomfortable. I would like to only have my mom and boyfriend. Did anyone else